What To Do When Your Personal Development Isn’t Working

You have devoted considerable time and effort to reading all of the relevant books; conscientiously perusing the Instagram feeds of your favourite coaches – even searching out their statements that might appear insightful or exhorting yet seem ineffective in transforming how you act upon each day.

How do you cultivate your personal development?

Are you captivated by the idea of becoming a more accomplished person, driven by your desire to explore and expand? Or do you harbour doubts about yourself that need remedying? How can one overcome such shortcomings if they are not willing to work hard enough or change their ways?

Is it your intuition that’s murmuring how inept you are, as a reaction to any request or suggestion that might indicate an altered behaviour pattern or one which necessitates intensifying the bond in between?

This cunning force compels us to embark on personal development endeavours. We believe if we can just work diligently on our self-development, we will eventually be able to transcend our negative emotions and begin feeling positively about ourselves.

Your personal development is stalling because you are misapplying it, rather than capitalizing on it to advance your journey. Instead, this avoidance pattern only exacerbates the discomfort that can arise from being imperfect – an inescapable aspect of life!

When you apply this type of personal development, you do not experience an uplifting sense of self-improvement when making any adjustments – instead, there are more areas that need rectification. It becomes a challenging task to ever achieve stability; every change seems permanently beyond your reach.

Balancing personal development with remedying flaws can be a daunting task. However, it is key to understand that the real issue here isn’t your relationship with defects; but rather how comfortable you are accepting them as they are. Ultimately, this lack of coexistence could prevent progression and create obstacles toward attaining self-improvement goals.

Individuals typically believe personal growth is about pinpoint which issues need resolving and subsequently remedying them.

But here is a better method:

Step 1. Record a comprehensive list of drawbacks associated with your persona or existence (such as procrastinating until the last second, giving false assurances to others only to later deny those same statements, or even experiencing any degree of hesitation when it pertains towards fulfilling one’s ambitions).

Step 2. Don’t rush to alter any of those characteristics yet.

Step 3. As you contemplate your desire to make alterations, consider the underlying motivations. What are the emotions that arise when those traits persist? How does it reflect upon your character if you struggle with them? How would it be if you no longer had to deal with their consequences? Reflecting on such questions can provide valuable insight into both yourself and why change may be necessary in this instance.

The area where the real work takes place lies within this domain. It is equivalent to a trial-and-error process, but one in which you must be willing to give up on achieving perfection before your efforts can bear fruit. If you believe that attaining perfection will bring about the desired emotions, then it’s not easy detaching yourself from those expectations and recognising that maybe perfection doesn’t exist for everyone or even for any particular person – at least not until further down the road.

Acknowledge and celebrate your progress

Despite our progress, most of us have difficulty appreciating just how far we’ve come; it can be difficult to perceive minute alterations over time when our brains are not instinctively configured for assessing accomplishments.

Understanding how changes in time unfold can be a challenging process, as it is difficult to pinpoint when and where we started our journey.

To mitigate the detrimental effects of time, journaling is an effective strategy. Revisiting past thoughts and emotions can serve as a powerful reminder of how far one has come – allowing for an enriching perspective on life’s passage.

The difficulty in appreciating our accomplishments lies in the fact that our minds are predisposed to process information via a particular pathway, which makes it difficult for us to accurately perceive how far we have come as a species.

The pursuit of victory and success is meaningless if it doesn’t bring any sense of gratification. If your brain finds itself fixated on recognizing milestones reached, then this can simply mean that you’re still unfamiliar with the practice – a point worth remembering!

It is vital to actively seek out sources of excitement. You must take initiative and put in a little effort to locate potentially enthralling things.

As you reflect upon the progress you’ve made in your personal growth endeavours, do you truly believe that nothing has altered? Or perhaps, it is simply too difficult to accept any substantial change because you feel you’re not perfect and must continue striving for excellence?

Evaluating your progress based on whether you feel comfortable (and then concluding there has been no progress) implies that nothing has changed.

Ultimately, what is your threshold for an accomplishment that merits celebration? Determining this seemingly trivial query can be difficult; however, if you force yourself to contemplate it earnestly enough it may give the impression that you are unaware of what constitutes good enough.

If your mind prefers to consider the success of your endeavours a fluke or an unhappy coincidence, its merely one perspective.

What else could be true?

Could you be proud of the way you showcased your presence? Through bravery and resilience, could you manage to exude confidence in yourself?

Could you recount a spectacular feat that was accomplished in an uncommon way?

Did you reach out for assistance when you felt anxious?

Decide what you consider worth celebrating, and not conform to the values of society. Material wealth, success in worldly endeavours and elevated social status are lauded as desirable qualities by many; however creativity or perseverance that do not always make it onto a person’s list may still be theirs – allowing them autonomy over deciding if they deem these worthy of celebration.

Initially it may be a struggle. It might feel clunky, awkward and forced; any time your brain is unfamiliar with a new skill, performing it can be difficult. When you are apprehensive about being perfect and begin to fear making mistakes then quitting would always seem more preferable than continuing to strive towards improvement – keep with the endeavour!

It is not uncommon for individuals to find themselves in a rut with their personal growth, but if you discover that it is making you feel worse rather than better then this may be an indication that something needs to change! Try taking the time out to look at your relationship with yourself and whatever areas of improvement there are; instead of impulsively fixating on remedying them immediately. Accepting where you have come from while acknowledging how far it still remains – all these can help give more perspective.

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Pinky Ghadiali

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